Therapist Reacts to Taylor Swift's Anti-Hero and Narcissism in Relationships

Have you listened to Taylor Swift’s song “Anti-Hero”? The video clip was launched in October 2022 and has almost a hundred million views on YouTube. It deals with anxieties and insecurities and no doubt it’s a success.

Well, today I want to talk about five different lyrics in the music that show how narcissists can affect people in relationships.

If you live in a relationship with a narcissist, you will identify with what I will talk about here.

Also, I’d like to tell you how they can hurt your self-image and your mental health. Let’s go.

Have you listened to Taylor Swift’s song “Anti-Hero”?

The video clip was launched in October 2022 and has almost a hundred million views on YouTube.

It deals with anxieties and insecurities and no doubt it’s a success.

Well, today I want to talk about five different lyrics in the music that show how narcissists can affect people in relationships.
If you live in a relationship with a narcissist, you will identify with what I will talk about here.
Also, I’d like to tell you how they can hurt your self-image and your mental health. Let’s go.

 1. “I Have This Thing Where I Get Older, But Just Never Wiser”

This probably feels familiar to people who have been in (or are in) a relationship with a narcissist.
Things never change.
Narcissists are not flexible, this is one of the things that makes them a narcissist.
They are not adaptable.
Just because something is painful or challenging for you is not enough to make them change.
You have all these great ideas about how the relationship could be better, you have all these wonderful ideas about what you could do to make things better, and to make you guys closer.
But it never works and things stay the same.
That’s because narcissists are not capable of adapting to change to make things better.
We’re going to get more into why that is as we go through the rest of these lyrics.

 2. “Did You Hear My Covert Narcissism? I Might Disguise It As Altruism”

I didn't take this at face value, because I don't think that the perspective of the person, in this song, is a narcissist.
I think that they might believe they are because if you’re with a narcissist, they’re going to tell you that you are a narcissist too.
Maybe you already have heard the word “gaslighting” referring to that people. It makes sense.
Narcissists will try to convince you that anything you do for yourself is narcissism.
So, anytime you pay attention to yourself or do anything for yourself — which is a healthy thing to do — is because you are being a narcissist.
I’ve had plenty of people come in and say “my spouse tells me I’m a narcissist”, when, in fact, is the spouse who’s the narcissist.
And what I’ll tell you is that narcissistic people are not going to ask themselves this question, they are not going to call themselves covert narcissists.
One of the challenging things about being a narcissist is that they lie and manipulate so well and we oftentimes project our positive feelings onto other people.
It’s really truly hard for us to believe how easily they do this (and how they have no problem doing this) because we assume that they have exactly the same kind of empathy as ours.
But in fact, they are not capable of empathy, which makes them lie, manipulate, hurt, etc.
They actually feel good about that oftentimes because it makes them feel in control.
Part of the reason why people get deeply into relationships with these folks is the thought that
we can get past our differences.
Meanwhile, the narcissist person is just going to continue to use, abuse, and punish you emotionally.

3. “One Day I'll Watch As You're Leaving Because You Got Tired Of My Scheming”

Once again: if you’re the victim of a narcissist, you’re constantly going to be told.
It is common to hear phrases like:

• “Everything is your fault”
• “I’m going to leave”
• “If I leave, it’s your fault
• “It’s going to be because of you”
• “I’m trying so hard”

The narcissist will blame you and make you at fault for everything.

4. “I Should Not Be Left To My Own Devices, They Come With Prices And Vices”

To me, victims of narcissistic abuse truly start to believe that they can’t make decisions on their own.
The reason why is that the narcissist loves the idea that people cannot be calm and comfortable, feeling settled.

If they see you sitting back and enjoying yourself, enjoying TV, just feeling relaxed, etc, they’re gonna find a way to create drama.
They’ll find any way to disrupt the comfort that you find in life, just because they’re incapable of truly feeling it themselves.

5. “I'm The Problem. It's Me. At Teatime, Everybody Agrees”

If you are the victim of a narcissist, you are going to feel like you are the problem.
That’s because they’re constantly going to be giving you that message, and they don’t have the insight to recognize that, in fact, they are a problem.
So, oftentimes the narcissist will say “you know everybody’s talking about you”, or “everybody knows all these bad things about you”.
It truly does make you start to feel like a monster and make you question everything you do. It gives the narcissist total control over the way you think and feel.
A narcissist is never able to internalize responsibility. It always has to be anything or everyone else that causes any problems.
For example, let’s say that you are with a narcissist and they stub their toe.
They’ll never say “I was clumsy. I should have watched where I was walking”. No. They’ll say things like “you were in my way”, “you shouldn't have left what there”, or “why did you let me stub my toe?”.
And they truly will think that it’s everybody else’s fault.
They are a perpetual victim to the rest of the world even though they also think that they’re the most amazing person in the world.
But you’re gonna see with these folks that every time they’re gonna blame everybody else but themselves for any and every problem.

 What Can You Do?

Well, I hope my analysis of Taylor Swift’s song Anti-Hero has helped you better understand the impact that narcissism has on relationships.
If you’re living in a relationship with high conflict or if you’re with a narcissist, I highly recommend that you take my quiz here.
It gives you an idea of the impact that this relationship may be having on you and the ways I can help you handle it!
Remember that you can handle anything.